Stargazed

There’s something about stars in the sky that gives me a glimpse of hope, of happiness, of peace.

About six years ago I became fascinated with the subject of stars. I even took an astronomy class my second year of college. Although it was interesting to learn about galaxies, stars, constellations, the sun and cosmology, I took a more spiritual approach to my fascination.

It started shortly after my Great Auntie Sharon passed away in 2012, less than two weeks into the new year. My friend, Katie, posted on my Facebook page a picture captioned with the Eskimo proverb “Perhaps they are not stars in the sky but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.”  My friend was with me when I found out about Sharon – she knew how hard I was taking her death. But I’m not sure she knows how much her post lit up the darkness in my heart.

In 2015 I lost a dear friend of mine, Jake. As with Sharon, I believed he was shining his love down from the sky letting us all know he was okay. That was how I remained okay.

We find ourselves struggling to fall asleep at night, starring into the darkness, reminiscing. Should I have just skipped my psychology class to see Sharon one last time? Maybe I could have said goodbye. What if I would have just messaged Jake that day to see how he was doing, halfway across the county? Maybe I could have saved him.

Then we open the blinds, look up at the sky and see the speckles of light that ease our minds.

I’ve obtained an obsession with the stars – I keep my loved ones memories alive through all things stars.

So, I suppose the galaxy print fad is a good thing for me. I have my PlayStation 4 theme as “particles,” I have the Nintendo 3DS XL – Galaxy Style. I couldn’t have been more stoked about Breaking Benjamin’s new Dark Before Dawn album. Also, Avenged Sevenfold’s The Stage album cover made me smile – it features the band logo in the galaxy. I write poetry about the stars.  In a story I’m writing, there are multiple worlds and one of them is only lit by starlight.

Although the proverb says “perhaps they are not stars,” I believe they are both. I believe they are stars in the sky and our loved ones shining down letting us know they are happy.

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m just stargazed. Maybe I, like others, want something to believe in to know our loved ones are okay – are at peace – so we can be too.

the meaning of the color black.

So all this talk about black things; black clothes, black decor, seeing black everywhere without realizing it, but what does the color mean? I conducted some research to let you know.

First, let’s start with some definitions of “black” from Dictionary.com and Merriam-Webster:

  • very sad, gloomy, or calamitous
  • connected with or invoking the supernatural and especially the devil: black magic
  • the color at one extreme end of the scale of grays, opposite to white, absorbing all light incident upon it

My favorite, which might explain why I love the color so much:

  • characterized by absence of light; enveloped in darkness: a black night

If you’re curious for more definitions, click on the links above. There is, however, a deeper meaning to the color black beyond these definitions. I discovered a blog, Sensational Color, created by color expert Kate Smith, where she posted an entry to help describe this deeper meaning.
black_defwBourn Creative, a design company and creative studio, has a blog on its site where the meaning of the color black is discussed, the post is by Jennifer Bourn, a designer and detail strategist for Bourn Creative.

  • Black “affects the mind and body by helping to create an inconspicuous feeling, boosting confidence in appearance, increasing the sense of potential and possibility, or producing feelings of emptiness, gloom, or sadness.”

For me, the meaning of the color black relates to what I mentioned in this post, but is also a bit different.

Struggling with depression for years, I identify with the color black. Sure, I like other colors and I’ll buy and wear things of other colors but I don’t have a personal connection to them. It seems ironic, considering black is associated with sadness, emptiness, gloom, and pertaining to depression, but black is my happy color. I love the darkness, the mysterious aspect to it; one can be hidden in it, it is a keeper of secrets.

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“Black is my favorite color. It’s limitless. It’s indefinable. It keeps you guessing. When there’s nothing to see, you’re forced to imagine. It makes every shape, every person more mysterious because you can’t see all the details.”

Katie Kacvinsky, Middle Ground